Ok….now that I fixed the Journal problem I shall write for real….my journals are not gonna have pictures…so just deal…read if ya want…..don’t if ya don’t…..ok here I go..

I often wonder what it is that makes me act the way I do …. I mean…one second I am quiet and shy and the next I am totally obnoxious and I later regret it. I dunno….i constantly want to be the center of attention and I swear to god I don’t mean to be….it reminds me of greg…he has the urge to have all eyes on him at all times…and it is so annoying you wanna scream…but at the same time that is me….I talk way too much…it is awful people tell me all the time…but it is as if I can’t control it…I feel when there is silence that is a sign of rejection….weird huh? I also talk to fill the silence…. I was the kid who always got picked on when I was little…I know I know ..cry me a river right? But in all honesty I was so quiet and I think I just started talking a lot to not leave room for criticism and I constantly make jokes on myself to make people laugh…but it doesn’t bother me…. I know what I have and don’t have so jokes in reference to that don’t bother me…..so does that make me secure or insecure…probably just messed up LOL…oh….some people tell me to wait love comes when you least expect it…but as I think about I don’t think I want it like I once did. Why do people crave to be in a relationship?  I mean don’t get me wrong I do everyday…but why?  Ok I know I just stopped in mid thought but I am tired…goodnight